letting go of all our hope.

Farewell

2005-04-19T23:09:27Z

I havnt used this livejournal in a while, and I dont plan on using it ever again either. If you dont have me on your myspace, just add me on there, other than that Ill see you suckers around.

http://profiles.myspace.com/users/2998629

j0ecrew @ 2005-02-02T20:42:00

2005-02-03T01:44:20Z

How much time can u serve for cutting out somenes tounge? I dont like when people talk shit.

a little moment

2005-02-02T06:08:59Z

I went out tonite after work with some people. I went to a friends cousins birthday party, and everyone was going crazy, and dancing and having fun. People were drunk, some were sober... but everyone was happy. Someone brought up a serious conversation, which quited the entire house. This person, made everyone shut up, for a moment of silence, ... and what they said was "I believe, that it is people like Joey, that can change this world" .... and this person said it sincere and honest, with tears in his eyes,.... I almost cried. Think what you will, but even though I may not think his assumption towards me is correct, It gave me a feeling of hope for this fucked up world. I suggest you all take a deep breath and think about your lives, because some of you are destined to do so, others have potential, and some are a lost cause, .... but making a difference in peoples lives are unforgettable. Ive done it for a family, and what I got in return was a greater gift than I could have ever asked for, but I will tell you right now,... I have nothing to show for it... but I wish I could give it to everyone. You dont even understand....

update

2005-01-31T06:30:18Z

I have been out of work lately and start working again on Tuesday. Only this time, I am working for my dads company. My other boss went broke on me. On my time off I have taken the opportunity to get some shit done that Ive been procrastinating on. The office is underway, and tomorrow I have to go out to the Hadden Township area to visit a client who owns a daycare. She has a lot of work for us to do. Web/Graphics/Advertisements/etc. Last night I went out with a friend and shot over to Hectors to check out the party they were throwing for Spence. My friend didnt feel like staying, so we left and got some beers and chilled out for a bit - ended up at the fuckin diner. ... Today, I fucked around on my computer getting some shit ready for tomorrow, and then I went out with this guy I used to work with from my last job, over to one of his boys houses and I got some Ink done. Yet another piece to my never ending body collage. My back hurts, I just popped some Motrin and I am going to lay down, watch some tv, not worry about anyone else except myself (dont take that the wrong way, but everyone needs to do that some times. Otherwords you will end up killing yourself), and go to sleep. Tomorrow is a new day, new adventure.

i read the body-count out of the paper, now its written all over my face...

2005-01-27T21:41:11Z

Had surgery yesterday, went alright. I was fine, until I couldnt get any sleep last night. I think I finally got my eyes to shut around 7:30am, and I woke up around 11. I talked to Linny yesterday on the phone, (I havnt spoken to her in months) ... said she would hang out with me today. Its 4:35pm, no one called. I am just going to go to work over at the office. I need to wire the electricity over there, and put up the drywall still... Tonite I am probably going to just go to bed early. Jim said he wanted to do something after 7pm, .... maybe I will go out.

popcorn

2005-01-25T06:44:09Z

will someone come over and watch a movie with me? ill make popcorn...

1st of 2 surgerys begins wed.

back up a bit

2005-01-21T01:55:33Z

many of you have the wrong idea when it comes to her. you may know enough to judge her, but I think I see her a little bit differently than you do. Yes, she has made mistakes in the past that have hurt me? But that kinda shit happens, I dont want to be with anyone who is perfect. One thing I did notice, is that when she has made those mistakes, she usually showed that she felt bad. Many of you didnt notice this part. To me, I see her as the type of person who acts now, and regrets later, and I tried to change a lot of that, and in some areas, I think I helped make her a better person. I know that this girl has a heart because Ive seen it. Maybe none of you have, but there are many times, where I noticed the real her. I just wish I could have seen it more often. If she didnt care, she didnt have to do a lot of the things she has done for me. And there are plenty of times when words were all that needed to be said for enough proof,... ive had my proof. I just dont like how her regrets usually became my own. ...

update? Why not...

2005-01-18T18:22:32Z

It has been way too fucking cold outside. Got home from work early today, I couldnt wiggle my toes they were so frozen. I wish the NHL was still in Fucking Action. I miss hockey...

SCREAMMM!!!!

2005-01-17T19:13:25Z

I dont really hang out with any of the same friends any more. I would swear id be friends with some of these people forever, but I always seem to stray away and find new ones. Its nothing bad, its just wierd how shit works out. No one seems to mind either, because I moment I dont call them, they dont call me either. Im moving soon into my apartment. Its in burlington city. I am probably only going to be there for a year at the most until I find a better place and make more money to move further away. The good part is the place is huge, and my room mates throw keggers every week.

it works

2005-01-14T14:53:56Z

Life has been going pretty well lately. I went out with some girls from college on new years and we party hopped around Philadelphia -- had a blast. I got most of my headaches out of the way. Ive payed off a lot of my bills, and am no longer far behind. Below are some job opportunities for everyone. If you think you want the job, and u think you have enough experience to do the job, dont hesitate to call.

ATTENTION FOR THE UNEMPLOYED or if you are SEEKING A BETTER JOB? Multimedia/Web - Networking - Programming
I got an office in Burlington City, right next to the Burlington Bristol Bridge on Broad St. Im finally setting up my own official multimedia company. I pulled in a buddy of mine, who has a double associates degree in Graphics Design, to work with me as a team. I already started to line clients up, and I have 90 Percent of the shit I need to get started. I am looking for someone else who knows or is trained in the following: Multimedia/Web Design, Networking, Programming. If you have a degree or some college experience, you will make a lot more than if you are self taught, but either way, the pay is going to be pretty good. I promise a decent amount of work to start, you will get your own office keys, and desk area. You must be able to supply your own computer, we can work something out with the rest. I already have printers, scanners, fax machines, and a copier. I use a Macintosh g5 with a 20" flat LCD screen. I have a draft table, desks, chairs, Rotary Paper Trimmer, and all the shit you need for Graphics work.

Call my cellphone if you are interested in a job.

Joe Landis
Cell:
(609) 923-4050
Office Address:
340 W. Broad St.
Burlington, NJ 08016

ATTENTION FOR THE UNEMPLOYED or if you are SEEKING A BETTER JOB? Video Production - Audio Recording/Edditing
Im currently looking for people who might be interested in shooting some commercials for a local restaurant. The commercial will be airing 30 seconds spots on channels such as Spike, Comedy Central, TBS, TNN and more. Pay can be negotiated. The money I can throw out depends on how much you can do. I am looking for people with a good skill level with experience using the camera and video edditing software. You must have your own equiptment (camera, lenses, lights, cords, mics). Comcast will be in charge of broadcasting the commercials over the air. If you are dependable and work out well, you are promissed more work in the future, and will be added to a list for other companies to recieve. When those companies need commercial work done, you have a chance to work threw comcast and get subbed out some work. Looks VERY NICE for PORTFOLIO work if you are interested.

Call my cellphone if you are interested in a job.

Joe Landis
Cell:
(609) 923-4050
Office Address:
340 W. Broad St.
Burlington, NJ 08016

okay... its been a while

2005-01-05T04:49:04Z

I just got my computer back today. So I finally have had a chance to get on. I dont think I feel like updating much after this, so this is my farewell for now.

sick

2004-12-16T20:02:42Z

For the past four days I have been feeling pretty shitty. I thought I might just be getting a cold or something, and it will be over with in a couple days. So I went to work everyday, and just tried to deal with it. Today, I woke up and could barely get out of bed. I called out of work, and schedualed an appointment at the doctors. It turns out I have strep throat, (something I havnt had since I was like 8), and a sinus infection. I dont really look that sick, but I feel misserable-- but HUrrAy for Medicine! The doctor gave me 3 different perscriptions to feel *better? Antibiotics, and my personal favorite, from request ... Imitrex, for these damn migrains.

Things are starting to get better. Things always seem to work out...
Hopefully things are going to stay good for a little while...
I really am not in the mood for any more unwanted stress or drama...

Hurray for being over her, and -
Hurray for meeting new people!

Is it me? or are the days getting brighter?
---------------------------------------------------------------
If anyone knows of any good jobs opportunities, please let me know. I am looking for a new one, because I cant stand my current boss. I have experience as a Sales Representative, Bike Technician, HVAC&R, Construction Laborer - General Contractor, Interior Painting, majority of all Restaurant Positions, Delivery, Graphics Design*, Multimedia Design*, Video Production*.

*(can offer portfolio, digital or standard)

you must be a friend of mine to speak your mind.

2004-12-14T21:17:04Z

only friends of mine can comment.

too many no namers, such as my family, like to come on here and talk shit and lies then hide their name because they are afraid of what I might say back. Sorry it had to come down to this, but if you feel the need to comment, and you dont have an account, then tell me in person.

Life Lesson?

2004-12-14T02:57:29Z

ok, not to sound like the religious type or anything, because I am far from it...

Today, I was going through this OLD bible... its like, 115 years old. Its full of illustrations and shit, and I decided to browse through it. The whole thing is unmarked, except one part, where some previous owner of it underlined the following:

"Ye have heard that it hath been said, 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth'.
But I say unto you, *That ye resist evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also. Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee, turn not thou away. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which dispitefully use you, and persecute you"

I dunno... makes sence to me in my current life situation. I wonder if it works.

I grew up

2004-12-10T21:42:20Z

I had the balls to step up to my dad today. I confronted him about all the years of child abuse, and how currupt his family has always been. I confronted him about everything. I asked him if he remembered a time, when I was about 7, when he beat me to the floor so bad I couldnt get up, and he had the balls to say, if your a man, get back up and fight me, ... so i had the balls to tell him now, if your a man, why would you fight a defensless kid? Why dont you fight me now?
""

more shit...

2004-12-09T04:32:06Z

Ive been working every day at my new job. Ive been working my damn ass off. The people I work with are awesome. I went and got some new ink done today after work... finally started my sleeve. I am going saturday to get more work done. My parents came home from Florda tonite... and already started more drama with me. I guess I kinda deserved it this time, but they didnt even give me a chance to explain myself. I didnt want to fight, so I didnt say anything and called Stevens to get me. Crashing at his house tonight. I need to just get an apartment already. Once I get enough money, which should only be a week or two from now, I am going to start looking around. I may have said some things in the past that I shouldnt have about certain topics, and I just wanted to say that, yes, I do have a handful of really great friends. As much as I complain about this or that, those friends have always been there when it counted. Thats a true friend...

you!

2004-12-07T04:04:09Z

your a slut?

Life as it goes

2004-12-06T21:08:34Z

I have nothing in life to live for.
I can not name a single thing.
The only thing in life I have right now is hope.
I hope ...

hope only goes so far.

Life as it goes

2004-12-05T18:17:32Z

finally started working. 10 dollars hr General Contractor's apprentice. Piece of cake. Today, I knocked out a deck, spent about 3 hrs working on it, made a good 40 bucks. Not bad at all. Atleast I have some income now. Tomorrow should end up being a long day. I hope it turns into a really long ass day, and I get to work like 15 hours, and make a shit load of money. Once I make enough money, im out people! lol I have decided which state to move to yet. I am thinking about Florida actually, but id much rather go to California. I give myself a month, then Im dissapearing to somewhere. I need to get away. I need to get away...

bewildered

2004-12-03T17:30:06Z

I dont understand why I recieved the voicemail I did last night at 1 in the morning. In a way I am kind of happy I did, because it made me realize there was still a chance that Ive been dying for. But, I dont understand why this reaction from you? I was finally about ready to accept everything that happened... now my world is all stirred back up. Now you are back in the picture. Now I dont know what to do.

nothing better.

2004-11-28T20:16:52Z

Will someone please call a surgeon
Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
That your're deserting for better company?
I can't accept that it's over...
I will block the door like a goalie tending the net
In the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry

So just say how to make it right
And i swear i'll do my best to comply

Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together

I feel must interject here you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself
With these revisions and gaps in history
So let me help you remember.
I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear.
I've prepared a lecture on why i have to leave

So please back away and let me go
I can't my darling i love you so...

Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together
Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future
Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures

I admit that i have made mistakes and i swear
I'll never wrong you again
You've got a lure i can't deny,
But you've had your chance so say goodbye
Say goodbye

life

2004-11-27T22:47:01Z

Ive still been house hopping my way around lately. Still do not have a permanent residence. Yesterday I tried to play hockey with everyone, but I ended up getting really sick. I was contemplating having someone take me to the hospital, -- I was seriously scared for my life. Today I played hockey with Greg, Jacob, Mike, and Cahill. It was great. Im feeling a lot better than I was the other day. I still cant eat anything, but I am used to not eatting by now. I have barely been smoking ciggerettes at all. Today I had only two. Yesterday, I had only two. I hope to destroy all of my bad habits by the end of the week. So far, so good. Hockey beat the hell out of me. Its definitly putting me back into shape, I love it.

LS- I do not know how to prove myself to you. I do not know what to do. I dont know if there is anything I can do. I heard you are seeing someone else, if that is true, I wish you luck with that, and I hope he treats you better than I did. I know I messed up, but I recall plenty of times when you did too. I was by your side the whole time, no matter how bad it hurt sometimes, I gave you another chance, and another, and another -- because I love you.

I regret hurting you

2004-11-25T17:13:40Z

Today is "Thanks Giving" -- another holiday I will not celebrate. Today, I dont even know where I am going to be. With no place to go, and no one to see, my day is rather pointless. Im getting used to my life being full of dissapointments. Last night I went to see Lauren at her moms house. I watched her cry... I watched her cry because of something I have done. There is nothing I can do to fix the past, all anyone can ever hope for is a possible better future. Watching her cry was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. The mood was sincere, and I had to look at the tears running down her face, because I woke up one day and decided to be an asshole. This girl should have never had to shed a tear. She did not deserve what I did to her. I cant believe that I could stoop so low as to break a girls heart. I am just sorry the girls heart I broke, turned out to be the same girl I am in love with. So it turned out, by hurting her, I hurt myself even more. Because I have to live with the guilt of making such a beautiful girl cry. I have to live with this. Now, I have to live with regret.

why do the eyes see more clearly in dreams than awake?

2004-11-23T17:47:00Z

I need to find a new job. I will never be able to afford my own place until I start getting some income. I think I am moving over to Danielles house today, when she gets out of school. I am not sure how long I am going to stay there, but their family has always been more than helpful.

I have come to the conclusion I severely suck at life.

Trip:

2004-11-22T06:03:08Z

I just came home from Conneticutt today. We had no idea how to get home, so we just winged it. We ended up getting lost in Conn. for like 3 hours, then we finally made it out, but ended up in NYC. We were lost there for about 2 hours, then when we finally got home, it made it to being a 7 hour drive. The first night we partied and ended up getting an Ethen Allan Hotel Sweet with 3 king size beds and a few rooms *for free* hahaha, *long story, dont ask*. But yeah, as you would think, that was a lot of fun. The second night we met up with like 6 girls, and we all went to the Hello-Goodbye show. Ben, Kris, and I all filmed Hello-Goodbyes performance for them. Entire Acoustic Performance. Very Nice, very rare. We are going to edit it, then give it to Hello-Goodbye because Forrest and the guys want to throw it at Drive Thru. I ended up cursing out the niece of the owner of Drive Thru because she wouldnt leave me alone the entire show, and she messed up some of the film -- and it turns out Forrest had to stay the night at this girls house, ... so Forrest and I had a conversation of how crazy this girl is, and that she freaks us out, but he has to deal with it, and I dont. Today, we woke up, and went out to brunch with a couple girls, and some of kris's old friends over at Dennys. We took a bunch of pictures and then headed home. It was a blast, but I have so much shit on my mind. Such as:
When I got home today, someone* kept calling me and friend* wondering where Mole was because they claimed he purchased some drugs off of them, and they had it waiting for him. Well, Mole never has money, and he has definitly proven himself more than shady to me by talking shit behind my back, and all the rest of his friends over here, so I put the pieces together, he did something fucked up. When I left for Conneticutt, I left my guitar and amp at his house, and I asked friend* "do you think Mole would have stooped so low as to of sold my guitar and shit for money, or trade it for the drugs?" and my friend* tells me "Thats some crack head shit, but Mole would probably do that crap because he is shady". So, I take the initiative to call Mole and ask him if my stuff is still at his house, ... and sure enough he tells me "No, its not here, I dont know where it is, -- I thought maybe you have taken it." WTF! The Mother Fucker knew I was in Conneticutt, and thinks I am stupid or something. Nothing could have ever gotten me more pissed off. If it was anything else I really dont think I would have cared so much, but it was my guitar, one of my most favorite things in the world. And that shit wasnt cheap either, and I had to work my ass off to get it. I have never been so pissed.

Laur, please find it in your heart to forgive me.